Moral Intentions
by Zwei Shonagon
Summary: When the Hokage took it upon his meddlesome old self to assign Mitarashi Anko to humdrum Academy duty, Anko wasn't about to go down without a fight. Hyuuga Hinata just happened to be at the right place at the right time.  gen teacher!Anko
1. Prologue

**_Author's Notes: _**It's been a while hasn't it? I have no excuses for my long absences except that real life and the first year of college tend to be more exciting/stressful/insane than anyone can possibly expect. I sincerely apologize to anyone that's been waiting for me to update my stories. Moral Intentions is a way for me to get back into the writing loop. Trust me, I am extremely rusty.

**_Disclaimer: _**Not mine.

_**Dedicated: **_all those who have been waiting.

_Moral Intentions_

When the Hokage took it upon his meddlesome old self to declare that Anko was being more suicidal than usual and assigned her to humdrum Academy duty, Anko wasn't about to go down without a fight. Poor Hyuuga Hinata just happened to be too much of a helpless duckling to avoid Anko's machinations. [teacherfic]

**Prologue**

"_Excuse me_?" Her voice was beginning to reach pitches that would give his wife a run for her money, even on those really bad days that Shikamaru skipped chores.

"You heard me." Jounin Commander Nara Shikaku's voice was calm and levelheaded, at least as calm and levelheaded one could possibly be when faced with a prickly, spiky, _hissing_ Mitarashi. Officially, Anko was off duty and at rest. Unofficially, she was probably bristling a whole armory of sharp objects on her scantily clad person.

"It is the Hokage's and my shared judgment that you jave been overworking yourself lately. You have been ordered to remain in the village for the time being," Shikaku said carefully. Any sane ninja would have bowed gratefully for such a lucky reprieve from active duty. However, when it came to Mitarashi Anko, any kinds of standards for sanity, both common sense and medical, could go royally screw themselves. Personally, Shikaku belonged to the traditional camp of thought that said such unstable ninja ought to be gracefully but quietly dismissed. Mitarashi Anko and her like were the throwback of an unstable era and as much a risk to themselves as they were to the people around them. Professionally, Shikaku acknowledged that Anko had done more than her fair share in reviving Konoha's economy this past decade. Anko had a sick talent for completing strings of suicidal missions promptly and profitably. Konohagakure's good name and standing among the shady commercial community where blood was a commodity rested just as much on her shoulders as it did on the shadowy backs of the ANBU. Her being able to stand in his office this very day when other loyal ninjas had fallen was as much an indication of lady fate's fickle humor as it was of her skill. But cosmic joke or no cosmic joke, the snarl on Anko's face was not funny at all.

"You're assigning me to _Academy duty?_"

Tokubetsu Jonin Mitarashi Anko, neighborhood psychotic and local Konohagakure parents' most hated influence on impressionable children, assigned to Academy duty. _Really_.

"The young ones can only benefit from being exposed to a professional such as yourself," Shikaku said with a barely restrained grimace. Anko's eyes narrowed. Her hands were poised in the crooks of her arms, no doubt stroking whatever weaponry she had concealed underneath her tight clothing.

"Little guppies, the lot of them," Anko grumbled. Academy Duty was for weak Chuunin and retired Jounin, which she was neither and swore never to be. She'll put a kunai through her own throat first.

_Ah hell._

Shikaku tensed.

"Well if the Hokage wants me teaching the brats, how can I possibly say no?" Anko finally said, her hands nonchalantly drifting down to her sides. "Who knows, maybe I'll even have some fun."

Shikaku cleared his throat. He _really_ didn't want to know what Anko meant by "fun".

"I think I heard the Academy Bell ringing just now. Best not be late," Shikaku said with a straight face.

"Fuck you," came Anko's eloquent reply.

Shikaku sighed. He couldn't really expect her to be perfectly behaved for a whole debriefing, could he?

* * *

><p>Umino Iruka was a good man.<p>

Sure he wasn't the best shinobi, but he approached his work with dedication and devotion. He was just as loyal as any another hell-raising ANBU, and he preferred working with children over month-long assassinations. IRukawas one of those rare shinobi that had a heart of gold even by civilian standards. His ability to sleep easy at night made more than a few Jounins wish they had chosen his career path.

Umino Iruka didn't think _anyone _wanted to be in his position right now though.

When she hadn't showed up at the beginning of lessons, Umino Iruka had hoped that it was all just one big, fat mistake in paperwork. Surely the Hokage wasn't that senile. But just in case, he kept one eye on the closed classroom door even as he read the history textbook aloud. But history tends to have a lulling effect even on the best of us, and the enraged curse wasn't nearly enough warning before the door imploded in a shower of wooden splinters.

"Well hello, my mindless guppies! Has Iruka-chan here taught you all the proper ways to gut a man? Remember, go in at the wrong angle and you'll hit bone, but don't be too much of a pansy, or else you won't even get past the abdominal muscles. Blood is just _terrible _on laundry—"

"_Mitarashi_," Iruka grounded out as he stared at the sad remnants of the door. But it was much too late. His students were already going a nice shade of broccoli green.

"—be doubly careful not to puncture the organs or else the intestinal fluids will mix with the blood—"

Oh yes, some of the girls were definitely swaying in their seats by now.

"You have splinters on your clothes," Iruka interrupted, correctly figuring a comment on her clothing would grab this particular woman's attention faster than any kind of screaming about children's delicate sensibilities. Anko blinked.

"And this was my favorite jacket too," she pouted.

"Perhaps you would like to go to the restroom," Iruka suggested delicately even as he pinched the bridge of his nose to fight a growing headache.

"Ach, there's no need." Before Iruka could stop her, Anko shrugged off her jacket. The classroom promptly descended into deathly silence as she nonchalantly shook door-corpse-bits out of her jacket. By the time she slid the jacket back on, most of the boys were already rolling in the dirtiest, deepest, most fish-net-y gutters their preteen minds could conjure. The girls settled for grinding their teeth and biting their lips furiously.

"What are you doing here?" Iruka wearily asked, giving up at any pretense of classroom order.

"What else? The old man assigned me here," Anko growled. "Didn't you get the memo?"

"I was hoping it was just a hung-over secretary…" Iruka muttered. Before he could continue however, a certain orange-clad student took it upon himself to ask the question haunting every shell-shocked student.

"Who the hell are you!" Iruka outright paled as Anko swung her sharp gaze around. Trust Naruto to be the one standing up and rudely pointing at the most dangerous ninja in the room.

Iruka hid his face in his hands. Good lord, he was _not _getting paid enough for this.

Anko's eyes narrowed and skimmed over the telltale whiskered cheeks. _Kyuubi_. Although she kept an easy smile on her face, her fingers twitched. "Shouldn't I be asking that question?" Anko said sweetly.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto! I'm going to be greatest ninja ever!" Naruto proudly announced, ignoring the sounds of derision coming from his classmates.

"Well—" Anko paused. She scrutinized the blonde child, and let her hand drift toward her weapon pouches. "Uzumaki Naruto, can you do me a favor?" Anko asked sweetly even as her hands wound about two kunai.

"You still haven't answered my question!" Naruto protested before a lazy flick of her hand sent an inch of blond hair drifting onto the ground. To his credit, he only blanched.

"I don't like to repeat myself," Anko said with a toothy, feral smile. "I'll take it as a yes. So do me a favor and sit your ass _down_." The second kunai was enough to send the poor kid scrambling onto his chair.

"Not as bad as I thought," Anko grudgingly muttered. "Now back to our original topic…" Anko's hand snaked out and grabbed Iruka's chin firmly. Iruka grudgingly allowed himself be pulled forward until his face was barely an inch away from her own.

"Yes?" Iruka gulped. He tried his best to fight a blush. Psychotic as she was, Anko was an _extremely _attractive woman, and she knew it. Anko gave a breathy chuckle before she rested her lips near his flaming ears.

"Who the fuck closes classroom doors?" Anko shrieked.

_Ow_.

Ears ringing, Iruka barely caught himself as Anko roughly shoved him onto the floor. Having gotten rid of her burden, Anko nimbly leaped onto the teacher's desk.

"Oi, guppies!" she roared, stomping on the desk for good measure.

Even Naruto, bless his stupid curious soul, fell silent.

"My name is Mitarashi Anko. I will be one of your Academy instructors starting today. Try not to piss me off and we'll get along just fine," Anko said ominously.

"Mitarashi-sensei?" a certain pink-haired guppy dared to raise her hand.

"Spit it out," Anko said casually.

"Um… w-what will you be teaching us exactly?" Sakura ventured.

"I haven't decided. Maybe we'll start the lesson on gutting? I'm sure that pretty pink hair of yours would still look nice enough without a body," Anko said slyly.

To the students' credit, most of them knew better than to scream.

"Don't bully Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled, playing white knight to reluctant damsel in distress.

"I am not your Sakura-chan!" Sakura hissed back, even as she kept two wary eyes on Anko's amused face.

"I think it's time for lunch and recess. We'll do some shruiken practice later," Iruka wisely said into the uneasy, awkward silence.

Anko cackled.

* * *

><p>My first attempt at a gen-teacher fic. Kindly let me know about your opinions and views. This author will give you Itachi-shaped cupcakes.<p>

Although I am a total hypocrite: golden cycle!

Review. :)


	2. Chapter 1 : Love Thy Neighbor

_Moral Intentions_

When the Hokage took it upon his meddlesome old self to declare Anko more suicidal than usual and thus assign her to Academy duty, Anko wasn't about to go down without a fight. Hyuuga Hinata just happened to be swept along for the ride. [teacherfic]

**Chapter One: Love Thy Neighbor**

It'd taken a little more time than usual to shake off those pesky secretaries, but the Hokage was ultimately able to wheedle a fifteen-minute "break" out of his grudging bureaucrats. The Hokage was hardly above using his "delicate old health" as a battering ram to their silly workaholic arguments. Just to be sure though, he decided to take an impromptu trip to the Academy. Ebisu, who'd been just _dying _to give a report on his new training regimen, had been aghast when he heard his private audience with the Hokage was to be delayed, and the old man wouldn't put it past the eager-beaver Jonin to chase him down. Fortunately, like most over-serious shinobi, Ebisu had little patience for children and tended to avoid the Academy on principle. In his old age, Sarutobi felt no shame in hiding behind children.

With an air of extreme self-satisfaction, the old man puttered down the hallway toward the teacher's lounge. Lessons wouldn't start for another fifteen minutes, and Academy instructors were notorious gossips. With steps more stealthy and graceful than anyone could expect from another man with half his wrinkles, the Hokage gingerly crept toward the half-opened door.

It wasn't as if the teachers were making a particular effort to be discreet anyway.

"—all things considered, she hasn't been doing too badly," Mizuki commented.

"You mean no one's died yet. Yes, I suppose in that sense it's been a rather successful month," Iruka said morosely.

"Cheer up. At least she hasn't tried to _bite_ any of them," a female instructor chimed in helpfully.

"She's _only _tried to impale half of them," said a deeper, male voice.

"Or castrate the other half," jibed another male instructor; probably Funeno Daikoku, who was one of the veteran instructors that gave monthly reports to the Hokage. "She's definitely insane."

"Hush now. You're not helping Iruka," shushed Suzume, the bespectacled bushy-haired Chuunin who taught the special kunoichi classes. She gave what was probably a glance of sympathy, but it was hard to tell with her distractingly large glasses.

The Hokage smothered a chuckle. From what he had gathered from the grapevine, this daily misery fest was quickly becoming an established tradition.

"The Hokage has _definitely _got to be senile," someone said.

"I think we should request a raise," Mizuki helpfully suggested.

Something that sounded like Iruka made a noise of a kicked puppy.

_Bah_! The Hokage snorted. These Academy teachers were getting too comfortable in their cushy jobs anyway.

"Good morning, Hokage-sama. Getting your daily dose of nonsense?"

She hadn't spoken very loudly, but it was loud enough. The lounge immediately went silent. The Hokage sighed and straightened from his crouching position.

"I wasn't eavesdropping," he protested, but she only waved him off. Anko looked as if she was completely unbothered. If it weren't for that sly gleam in her eye the Hokage would have pegged her as thick-skinned. As it was, Hokage couldn't resist a chuckle. He supposed he could restrain her, but he wasn't feeling particularly forgiving.

"Try to leave them in one piece. It's terribly difficult to find replacements," the Hokage murmured.

"Will do sir," Anko muttered back. "So, why are you here today? Come to see how the students are all faring? Or was it just for the gossip?" she said brightly.

"Oh, I'm sure the students are all faring well enough. Actually, I came to see you," the Hokage mildly said.

Anko's smile faltered. "I'm fine. Although I would be better if I can actually _do _something."

"Walk with me, Anko," the Hokage said abruptly, and rude as Anko, she was too loyal to disobey. She crossed her arms and reluctantly followed the old man down the hall and out into the courtyard. There was no brats playing during this time, they were all in the classrooms, and the sound of leaves rustling in the trees provided cover from eavesdroppers.

"You know Anko, you are doing something." The Hokage spoke so suddenly, it took a moment for Anko to realize he was referring to her previous statement. She crossed her arms.

"Academy duty is _not_—"

"I think you'll find teaching a lot more rewarding if you applied yourself a bit more," the Hokage said gently. Anko crossed her arms.

"Guppies? Rewarding?" Anko laughed. The Hokage tsk-ed at her dismissive behavior but wisely decided to let it slide. He gave a knowing look that made Anko shift uneasily.

"What?"

"You know, there is a way out of this," the Hokage murmured. Anko perked up.

"Well, old man, are you going to keep me waiting all day?"

"Are you still using the forbidden techniques?"

Anko shifted. Her smile dropped. "You should know the answer to that."

"Indeed, just like I know the Council pretends such techniques don't even exist. I understand why they wouldn't want them to enter mainstream policy, but to go as far as to refuse to have them recorded in the forbidden scrolls... I may not condone the methods with which those techniques were acquired, but they are useful assets all the same."

Anko raised an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"Take it anyway you want. Now, you'd better go to class. Be nice," the Hokage bemusedly replied.

He rewarded Anko's look of disbelief with a raspy laugh.

* * *

><p>"You stupid guppies—none of you can aim to save your life!" hollered Anko. "Again, guppies, again!"<p>

Choji chewed on his lower lip. If he were in a better mood, Shikamaru would have cajoled him to stop, but he was simply too tired and annoyed.

"Again!"

Shruiken whistled through the air. Some hit the targets with a soft thud. Others whizzed far off their mark into the trees.

"I saw that Akimichi! Again!"

"That bitch," Ino hissed.

"Steady," Shikamaru said out of the corner of his mouth. Troublesome as Ino was, he wouldn't wish Anko's wrath on her. He wouldn't wish Anko's wrath on _anyone _for that matter. Except, perhaps the Uchiha.

"My arm hurts," Ino whined softly. Unfortunately for her, Anko had sharp ears and an even sharper ability to read lips.

"Shut it Yamanaka. If you'd spent more time practicing than primping you wouldn't be bitching now. Again, you pathetic guppies!"

In the face of a common enemy, even bitter rivals like Sakura and Ino were able to put aside their enmity and exchange long, bitter looks. Anko could care less. She hadn't gotten this far by being popular, and fear was a powerful motivation.

"Perhaps it's time for a rest," Iruka ventured.

"Shut up. I know what I'm doing," Anko snapped back.

It was true. Despite the many complaints and bruises, the class's overall accuracy had been steadily improving over the last four weeks. Underneath Anko's unyielding regime that was half threat and half corporal punishment, even the mot unpromising candidates had made marked improvement. As for the naturally gifted, they had made such leap and bounds even the veteran teachers were beginning to talk. Yamanaka Ino's scores had improved by four percent, pushing her accuracy rate to the upper eighties. Aburame Shino's accuracy score had risen a consistent ninety-two percent. Uchiha Sasuke had finally been pushed off his plateau and had achieved a new personal record high of ninety-five percent accuracy.

Numbers don't lie.

"What kind of throwing was that Haruno? You look like a jilted housewife! And before you open your mouth Uzumaki, shut up. We don't need that 'Sakura-chan' bullshit again."

The class tittered. Iruka winced. Naughty as he was, Naruto was a good kid. This was just plain humiliation. But like always, Naruto seemed to take everything in stride. Although he knew better than to talk back, his foolish grin seemed to irk Anko as much as if he had mouthed off.

"Again!"

Of course, it wasn't all sunshine. Anko's dirty mouth had elicited more parental complaints in a month than the Academy usually got in a whole year, not to mention all those individual cases where children were sent back home bloodied and bruised. If they had been any other civil institution, Iruka was sure every lawyer in town would be breathing down their necks. As it was, Anko had managed to skid by scotch-free under the canopy of "military discipline". Iruka couldn't help but wonder how long it would be before someone _really_ important got offended.

"Hyuuga!"

Oh yes. Someone important like _that_.

"Yes, S-Sensei?"

Iruka twitched as he watched Anko scrutinize the poor girl. As far as most of the Academy teachers were concerned, Hyuuga Hinata was forbidden territory. Behind her laid the entire Hyuuga Clan, and no one was willing to risk the poking the sleeping dragon. Although Iruka went out of his way to be nice, even he admitted how easily it was to forget the girl's presence. Besides, Hyuuga Hinata probably had innumerable private tutors. The Academy was purely a formality.

Of course, of course, Anko just _had _to go play with fire.

Anko scrutinized the scared girl. "You know, if you weren't such a twitchy little guppy, you wouldn't be half-bad. As it is, your focus is shit. Stop looking at that grinning blond twerp and look at the target."

Hinata paled as the rest of the class alternately tittered and gasped. If they hadn't known about her crush before, everyone _definitely _knew now. Everyone, of course, except the person in question who was still foolishly trying to impress Sakura.

"Mitarashi," Iruka said lowly. Baiting Naruto was one thing. This was _Hyuuga Hinata_. Anko had been avoiding her so carefully, like all the teachers did—why oh _why_ did she have to suddenly go stick her head out on the chopping block?

Like always, Anko ignored him.

"Stay after class during lunch, Hyuuga guppy."

"H-hai, Sensei…" Hinata wilted. Ino winced and tried to give a reassuring glance, but Hinata firmly hid behind her dark hair.

"What are the rest of you doing? You guppies actually think you're good enough to stop?"

"No," the class wearily chorused. With one month of Anko-experiance underneath their belts, they all knew better than to answer otherwise.

"THEN START PRACTICING!"

"Hai."

* * *

><p>Hyuuga Hinata was not popular.<p>

Sure, she was polite and well spoken, but her habit of stuttering and natural meekness made her a bore to the flighty young things her age. So while all the other girls squabbled over swings and Sasuke, Hinata always quietly drifted to one corner or another.

There would be no girlfriends waiting to eat lunch with her.

"Y-you wished to s-see me Sensei?" Hinata stuttered.

"Ah, yes. Close the door won't you?" Anko said absentmindedly around a mouthful of apple. Hinata meekly did as she was told.

"You can take a seat. I have a feeling you'll be eating lunch here too, so you better get that fancy lacquered lunch box of yours out as well," Anko casually said.

Hinata cringed. To be stuck all lunch and recess with Mitarashi-sensei; that was certainly a scary thought. Despite her rapidly beating heart, her shaky fingers managed to unpack her _bento_.

Hinata's lunch box was a beautiful thing to behold. Multi-layered and skillfully prepared by the Hyuuga cook, it was full of delicacies that would have made her peers gasp. Unfortunately, Hinata being the shy person she was, very few of her classmates had actually ever seen the outside of her lunchbox, never mind the delicious contents within. The fact that Anko knew about her lunch box was a bit disconcerting.

"Y-You've been wa-watching me," Hinata blurted out. She gasped and then flushed. Her father would have scolded her for such impudence. Miraculously, Anko seemed completely unperturbed. "Smart little guppy," Anko said approvingly.

Hinata was speechless. Lucky for her, her sensei seemed to be in a talkative mood.

"_Nigiri_ sushi? And I thought my eyes were lying to me the first time. The Hyuuga sure do pamper their young," Anko commented as she leaned over the stunned girl.

"Um," Hinata said meekly, staring at Anko's collarbone. She didn't quite have the guts to look at Anko's eyes, but the woman's scandalous outfit made it difficult for the meek girl to find a safe place to look.

Anko frowned. The Hyuuga didn't have pupils, but she was pretty sure the girl wasn't staring at her face. Anko certainly wasn't tall enough to merit collar-bone staring. But then again, she _was_ looming over the twitchy guppy.

"You're twitchy aren't you, Hyuuga girl?" Anko drawled as she casually took a step back. She noticed how the little guppy instantly relaxed. Silly guppy. In a flash of inspiration, Anko rudely reached down and plucked a sushi into her mouth.

"I-It's H-Hyuga Hina-na-ta," Hinata stuttered, still avoiding the older woman's eyes.

"A stutterer too? My, my and I thought they only existed in the medical textbooks," Anko taunted. She was steadily demolishing half of the lunch and the guppy hadn't even said anything.

Stupid guppy.

"W-would you l-like to have some of my lu-lunch?" Hinata desperately tried to change the subject.

"A bit late for that," Anko said cruelly. "Dear polite guppy, you really need to stop letting people stomp all over you."

Hinata remained silent.

"Don't take this as me being nice, but you really should eat. Guppies like you can't afford to be fainting on me," Anko said after a too-long moment. She'd left the cucumber sushi alone at least.

"I…I'm not hungry," Hinata whispered.

"Can't hear you guppy," Anko said loudly.

"I'm not hungry," she said again, slowly but a little louder this time.

"That's better. You know, I've never seen anyone as _meek_ as you before."

Hinata openly flinched. "I—"

"Yes?" Anko baited. "Oh my, are you actually going to say something, little guppy?"

At that point, Hinata gave up all pretenses of social etiquette. She tried to bolt but Anko's hand snaked out to grab her shoulder tightly.

"Sit down. It's just a little constructive criticism, guppy. No need to look as if someone scalded you with a hot iron," Anko scolded.

Hinata fisted her shirt. "I-I need to go somewhere," she desperately mumbled out.

"Where? It's not like I see you with friends," Anko rebutted.

She _had _been watching her.

"Don't you dare cry," Anko warned. Hinata almost laughed. She'd heard that often enough. The tears stayed in the back of her eyes.

"Now—I hope you're listening closely—there's something I don't get. It's difficult for me to imagine that for a Hyuuga, especially an _unmarked_ Hyuuga such as yourself could ever be so twitchy. Were you dropped on your head when you were little?" asked Anko seriously.

"I-It's because I… I'm… weak," Hinata miserably explained. It was beyond humiliating to have to repeat her father's words in front of her teacher. It made it just that much harder to hold back her tears.

"Says who?"

"M-My fa-father. He says th-that I'm u-u-seless," Hinata finished with a rush. Her voice sounded garbled even to her own took her a moment to realize she was crying.

It didn't take her very long to realize that Anko was _laughing_.

Anko laughed for exactly seven minutes. By five, the Hinata had quieted down to the sniffling stage, leaving Anko's cackles and snickers to sinisterly echo through the classroom alone.

"Oh my goodness, this is so perfect," Anko gasped.

Hinata could only stare blankly. Her pride had been shredded into nothing. She didn't even have tears left. This was worse than her father. At least those had been private affairs. This was achingly public. To be laughed at by her _teacher_.

"Good lord, I guess all that inbreeding must have its effects," Anko muttered as she calmed down. "Well then, little Hinata, would you like to make a bargain?" Anko said abruptly.

"Huh?"

"Since your family and you seem to think you're so useless, how about giving yourself to me?"

"W-what?" Hinata blurted out, stunned.

"I was planning to ask you this anyway, but it looks like I won't even have to do any convincing. Since you're useless, give yourself to me. I'll put you to better use," Anko said calmly.

"I—I—"

"Become my apprentice."

"Your apprentice?" Hinata repeated stupidly.

"My apprentice. It means you sign a binding contract that puts you at my complete mercy for as long as I deem necessary. It means that I hold absolute authority over you, even more so than your father, second only to the Hokage really."

"W-why—"

"I hate Academy duty. It's boring and I hate dealing with so many guppies everyday. Unfortunately, the Hokage seems to be stuck on me teaching. I can't do any missions while I'm stuck here. If I can get an apprentice, he'll let me off this stupid Academy duty at least. Training you is better than training a whole class of guppies, and I might even be able to get my hands on a couple of worthwhile missions. As a Tokubetsu Jonin I don't have the legal rights to take on a Genin team. However, I _can _take on an apprentices if I so choose to. It's basically the same thing, with a few legal differences. So. Will you agree to this?"

"Yes," Hinata said after the briefest of moments.

"Really? So fast?" Anko raised an eyebrow skeptically.

Hinata vigorously nodded. It hadn't required much thought. For once in her lifetime, someone had sought _her_, Hyuuga Hinata, out. It didn't matter what the reason was. Even if Anko was a bit psychotic, a bit scary; Anko _wanted_ her.

Anko's eyes crinkled as she smiled—at least it was probably a smile. It seemed more like a fierce baring of teeth.

"Good girl," Anko muttered. "You're amusing at least."

Hinata wasn't sure that 'amusing' was a good thing to be described as. Especially when the person describing was Mitarashi Anko.

* * *

><p>"Hokage-sama!"<p>

"Will you ever learn to knock?"

"Nope," Anko chirped. The Hokage puffed at his pipe in mock-anger.

"Shouldn't you be at the Academy?" he pointed out mildly. Anko shook her head violently.

"No? You're going to disobey a direct order?" Sarutobi bemusedly asked.

"Not so fast. You can't court-martial me _that _easily. "

"How unfortunate."

"Mitarashi Anko present and requesting authorization for an apprentice," Anko said smartly with a mock-salute.

Sarutobi settled into his chair thoughtfully. "Oh?"

"I hate Academy duty. The guppies are too damn numerous. However, since you're so stuck on this 'teaching' thing, I figured I might as well do something that'll please you and please me for a change. That way both of us will be happy, and last time I check, Tokubetsu Jonin were allowed apprentices, " Anko said.

"This is rather sudden," the Hokage said slowly. Despite his even words, his eyes twinkled. Anko rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.

"Oh come now. As if you weren't expecting me to do this? You were practically dangling the option in front of me earlier today."

"I suppose I might have been."

"Now, are you going to authorize this or not?" Anko demanded.

"If you'll be so kind as to tell me who the candidate is," the Hokage said sarcastically. Anko cackled.

"Ah, yes. Hyuuga Hinata."

The Hokage blinked. He suddenly turned serious. "That wasn't exactly what I had in mind…"

"No, I don't think it is. But are you questioning my choice?" Despite her flippant tone, her eyes were sharp as she watched for facial twitches and emotional cues. Sarutobi carefully kept his face blank.

"I don't think the Hyuuga will be very happy."

"Oh pish posh. It's not like I'm taking away something they want," Anko said as she flapped her hand absentmindedly.

"I didn't realize you were aware of Hyuuga's internal politics."

"I'm not. But the girl's ridiculously easy to crack, and I only had a nudge a little bit here and there to get her to spill."

"Oh dear. That's no good for a prospective Genin to be so susceptible," the Hokage murmured around his pipe.

"Which is why you should give her to me. I'll whip her up into shape," Anko said with a wink.

"Huh. Would she still be slated for a Genin team?"

"It's still a few years too early for that. Hinata's ten, right?"

"You tell me."

"Stop play games with me, old man. Anyhoo, when the time comes, I suppose I can give her back. But until then, she's mine. She's wasted in that Academy," Anko said with a bright, sharp smile.

The Hokage chuckled. "Since you speak so persuasively, I don't see why not. Although, something tells me, I might regret this decision later."

Anko's smile widened. "I'm sure we'll have lots of fun along the way before you get to that point, old man."

* * *

><p>Review? Still don't know what I'm planning to do with this insanity, but I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun. Hope you enjoy the ride. :)<p> 


	3. Chapter 2 : Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

_Moral Intentions_

When the Hokage took it upon his meddlesome old self to declare Anko more suicidal than usual and thus assign her to Academy duty, Anko wasn't about to go down without a fight. Hyuuga Hinata just happened to be swept along for the ride. [teacherfic]

**Chapter Two: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing**

Anko had been mentally gearing up for a magnificent display of purrs, howls, and shrieks, but somehow she wasn't too surprised when the Hyuuga had quite willing foisted Hyuuga Hinata off their hands. Of course, there had been a few inquiries here and there, but they were more for appearance'ss sake than sincere intent. The Hyuuga had quite clearly written Hinata off as a lost cause, and the intention behind the Hokage's seal which stated that Hyuuga Hinata was to be taken aside for additional duties—what those duties consisted was, of course, not explicitly stated—was not questioned.

There was only one moment where Anko thought she might truly have to be whip out those purrs, howls, and shrieks, but that was in a moment where even she felt leery. Anko was Anko, and she could raise hell even in front of Hyuuga Hiashi if she wanted to, but she would really rather not. Every time she felt like calling the Hyuuga pansy, one look at Hyuuga Hiashi would always make her swallow her words.

Hiashi had stared at the scroll long enough to make Anko shift uneasily in her seat. The bastard had even taken his time to sip his tea, prolonging the agony. Anko was sure the man knew, or least suspected deeper intentions.

All he said was, "You will take full responsibility?"

And of course, all she could say was, "Of course."

And that had been that. Anko didn't bother to question too deeply into Hiashi's decision. Anko got into the minds of her targets plenty of times, but even she would rather stay out of the minds of the Hyuuga Head. All that inbreeding had to be bad for the soul and when Anko told Hinata as much, the girl actually had the gall to look aghast.

"I-It's to preserve o-our blood limit."

"If your blood limit is destined to be strong, it'll win out no matter who it's paired with. Genetic variety is really the way to go. Why do you think the other villages are so god damn jealous of Konohagakure? It's because we, unlike them, had the good sense not to obliterate all our blood limits. The other hidden villages used to have some pretty scary families, but a little rumor-mongering, and suddenly it was villages killing the very families that had sworn loyalty to them." Anko rocked on her heels. "Actually, little guppy, don't repeat this to anyone, but I'm actually not sure Konahagakure didn't have a hand in that. I wouldn't be surprised, but it really would be a shame. In my opinion, it would have been better absorbing those blood limits into Konahagakure rather than simply obliterating it. Are you following me?"?

"I-I think so."

"Good. First lesson that they don't teach you in the Academy. It's very hard to un-kill someone." For once, Anko's eyes took on a hard, serious light. "If you believe in your own strength, you can always go back and kill the bastard. But you can't bring him back to life." Just as quickly as it came, the dark, heavy tone in her voice vanished. "Then again, when you take into account things like village loyalties, revenge, civilians, it does become messy. In those cases, sometimes it is safer to just kill them off." Anko made a cutting motion with her hands. It was a normal enough gesture by Anko's standards, until Hinata realized Anko was pointing it at a male passerby's nether regions.

Hinata gulped.

"Never mind that though. I can see your little guppy mind is failing to keep up with my brilliance. Come along then. We have training to do."

* * *

><p>"After today, Mitarashi-sensei will no longer be joining us. She has been assigned other duties."<p>

Iruka couldn't muster the willpower to sound as if he were sorry, so he aimed for flat. A flat tone wasn't offensive, right?

Interestingly enough, the students actually displayed a variety of emotions. Unlike their Academy Instructors, who had broken into song and dance almost immediately after they heard the news, some of the students almost looked—dare Iruka say it—sorry. Sasuke's blank, cold face was as upset as it possibly could be, and surprisingly enough, Ino looked almost course they were in the minority. Most of the students exhibited sheer, unadulterated relief, relief so strong they almost cried.

Anko grinned. "Aw, let's not have any water works. You still have me for one more day." Her eyes glinted. "Believe me, I'll make this last day count."

Anko kept her word. That day even Hinata, who had been undergoing physical conditioning since time she could walk, dragged her feet as she walked out of the Academy. Usually, the playground was a happy place after Academy hours, but the older students were too tired to even shout, and the younger students were too awed and scared to do otherwise.

Hinata was a street away from the Hyuuga Compound—safety!—when Anko ambushed her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Hinata blinked. Something like dread curled in her stomach. "Home," she answered meekly.

"That's cute, little guppy, but we have better things to do than to go home and get yelled at by our fathers," Anko said, blithely ignoring the way Hinata flinched. "Come along now."

* * *

><p>Hinata wasn't one to swear, but if she did, the mood and pain she was in was enough to inspire a long, lengthy tirade that would have made Anko proud.<p>

Hinata_ hurt_.

Hinata had trained herself into total exhaustion, even sickness more than a handful of times in her life. She was no stranger to hurt. Unfortunately, Anko seemed absolutely determined to exact pain from chakra channels and muscles Hinata didn't even know she had. Stressing these rarely-used areas made her nerves burn until Hinata couldn't say with absolute confidence that there wasn't fire pouring out of her skin.

"You're not flexible enough, but you'll do," Anko called critically from her perch high up in a tree. "Do the whole set again."

Hinata groaned but obediently twisted her body into another obscene shape. These katas, these series of set movements, if they could be called formalized katas, were like none of the katas Hinata had ever seen or done. The Hyuuga katas were notoriously difficult, hard yet fluid, graceful yet resisting. Hinata wouldn't call these katas difficult so much as she would call them painful. She was forced to contort her joints into strange, mind-boggling positions, and if Anko hadn't done it herself, Hinata wouldn't have believed it to be possible.

Her upper body screamed. So many of these poses required that Hinata bend her elbows and her wrists at almost impossible angles. Contrary to Anko's words, Hinata was flexible. Attaining those angles weren't the problem. It was supporting half of one's body weight whilst maintaining said impossible angles that was the issue.

Halfway through the set, Hinata collapsed.

"Up and again, little guppy!"

For a long moment, Hinata wondered what Anko would do if she refused to move. The dirt felt so cool against her flaming skin, and her body felt positively divine now she didn't have to rest her entire weight on some spindly joints. But although Hinata was tempted, in the end, Hinata's unique brand of unparalleled cowardice and yet towering stubborness came together and forced her onto her feet.

"She's really not that bad," hissed a low, sibilant voice, too quiet for Hinata to hear. Anko turned her head and looked up at the snake hanging from the branch above her. The snake a plain-looking dark green fellow, nothing impressive except for the mottled light green rings around its eyes which gave the impression that he wore spectacles.

"You think so, Kyoya?" Anko said with real affection. She had a long history with this particular summon. His understated appearance made him invaluable in all sorts of missions, but more importantly, he seemed to appreciate Anko's unique brand of humor.

"Yes," Kyoya hissed. His tongue flicked out into the air, testing Hinata's scent. "_Yes_."

Anko blinked when she heard the hunger throbbing in Kyoya's silky voice. Contrary to folk lore, snakes were very expressive creatures. They could divide emotions like jealousy, revenge, happiness into variances and degrees far beyond human comprehension except hunger—the snakes _always_ concealed their hunger and their passions. As cold blooded creatures, snakes liked to be as energy efficient as posible, and things like passions and hunger were much too time and energy consuming without patience and a leveled head to temper it. Also, a loud, passionate snakes catches no prey in the long grass.

Kyoya dropped to her branch, if only to get a closer look at Hinata. To do so unbidden was, in equivalent human terms, a love declaration, and Anko wasn't talking about a sweet shy letter. No she was talking fangirl, as in violent bento-box-wielding fangirl.

"Kami, you're worse than a breeding male," Anko said with disgust.

Kyoya seemed unperturbed. "You are very talented, and we appreciate your contract, but that girl is special." He shuddered. "I am a young snake, so I cannot explain why, but even I can tell."

* * *

><p>"Hinata."<p>

Her head stayed on the table.

"Hinata."

Still asleep. He cleared his throat.

"Hinata!"

Hinata shot up. She glanced around fearfully, only to realize the whole class was watching her. Her cheeks flamed. The class twittered.

Iruka cleared his throat throat. "Do you need to go wash your face?" he asked, not unkindly.

Hinata hunched her shoulders. Her first reaction was to decline, but as she felt a wave of sleep hit her, even with the eyes of the whole class on her, she reluctantly stood. Hinata tried not to look around too closely. She didn't want to know what they were thinking, especially not Naruto. Was he laughing at her? Or worse, did he not care at all, because after all, when had Naruto ever looked at her?

The thought hurt more than it should.

"She's been falling asleep a lot lately, hasn't she?" Ino murmured as the door slammed shut behind the tiny, dark-haired girl. Sakura, pretty head-banded Sakura who always did what Ino did, nodded agreeably.

"I wonder if she's getting sick?" Ino idly said aloud as she mentally reminded herself to drop some flowers in Hinata's desk. The girl looked so pale and wan nowadays, she would appreciate any burst of color that she could get, even if they were only in the form of petals.

The old Hinata would have found a handkerchief, dampened in it, and then patted her sleepy face. This Hinata marched toward the fountains and stuck her entire head underneath the faucet. Of course, her jacket became carelessly wet in the process as well.

Hinata shifted for a moment as she held the damp heavy thing. She could always wear it, but it would be uncomfortable, and she'll probably look stupid in the process. Another option was to throw the jacket over her shoulders like a shawl, still covering her, but not quite so completely. Hinata wore a black long-sleeved shirt. and it was modest, but she still felt uncomfortable baring even the shape of her body. At home, when out of uniform she wore kimono and yukatas, traditional clothing had a stiff, boxy-structure that hid any and all curves.

"Boo."

Hinata didn't shriek. Her body however, did give a little spasm, as if physically expressing a scream. Anko, in all her warped glory, found it funny.

"Cutting class are we?"

"I am not—"

"About time you did it. I looked at your record earlier. Perfect attendance? That's absolutely sickening."

Hinata's eyes widened. For once, her mind was almost as quick as her psychotic teacher. She didn't need a bleeping green sign to tell her where this was going. "N-No, Sensei, I couldn't possibly—"

Anko didn't even pretend to listen. She simply plucked Hinata up and forcefully carried her away in a swirl of leaves.

Fortunately or unfortunately, someone saw them.

* * *

><p>"Iruka-sensei!"<p>

Iruka frowned over the textbook. "So there you are, Naruto," he said sternly. "Need I remind you, class started an entire thirty minutes ago?"

"That's not important." Naruto waved his hands frantically up and down, almost as if he were trying to fly. "Hinata has been kidnapped!"

Most of the students blinked, more bemused than scared. The few students that came from established shinobi families, and who knew a thing or two about Konohagakure's political history, shifted uneasily in their seat. Iruka dropped his book.

"What! By who?" Iruka demanded as his mind raced. Kumo-nin hadn't been sighted for ages, but that didn't mean anything. "Naruto if this is some kind of prank, I swear—"

"By Anko-sensei!" Naruto wailed. "You have to go save her."

"Er." Iruka faltered. "Anko-sensei, did you say? Did I hear right?"

"Iruka-sensei, we have to go, now!"

"I'm sure that's not necessary. Hinata has, er, what I mean to say is that-" Iruka cleared his throat. "Hyuuga Hinata has special assignment with Anko-sensei." Of course, it was all lies, but Iruka simply wasn't up to it. Even two weeks of Anko-free existence wasn't enough to erase the knee-jerk reaction to run the opposite direction of Mitarashi Anko.

As one, the class snorted. Even Sasuke raised his eyebrow in blatant disbelief.

"Really," Iruka said unconvincingly. "You can go ask the Hokage if you want to." The Hokage was a persona of awe and fear. No Academy student would dare cast even a shadow on his door step.

Then again, this was Naruto.

Naruto scrunched up his face. "I will!" He promptly darted out into the hall and vanished.

Iruka cursed. "Early dismissal!" he called as he ran after the stupid, stupid orange blur.

He really wasn't getting paid enough.

* * *

><p>Review? I would have never continued this without your support.<p> 


	4. Chapter 3 : The Boy Who Cried Wolf

**Author's Notes:** I'm not a rap person, not at all, but perhaps Mitarashi Anko is seeping into my consciousness more than I thought. This chapter was done to the extremely explicit, extremely commercial, extremely campy lyrics of old school T-Pain and all those sell-outs that smother us all with cheap sexuality to the cadence of very badass beats.

If Anko were a DJ, I'll rock to her remixes any day.

**Dedication**: Idle Writer of Crack

* * *

><p><strong><em>Moral Intentions<em>**

**Chapter Three: The Boy Why Cried Wolf**

* * *

><p>The Hokage was enjoying a freshly packed pipe when Naruto burst into the room.<p>

With the patience and fortitude that came only from years of dealing with orange-clad brats, the Hokage dismissed Naruto's exclamations, shrill protests, and focused on the crucial nouns and verbs. He heard 'Anko-sensei', 'Hinata-chan', and 'kidnapped'. Suffice to say, those words were enough to alarm him. But before Sarutobi could demand details, real details, not Naruto inserting his own idiotic commentary, Iruka appeared.

"Hokage-sama, I greatly apologize for this disturbance."

"It's alright, Iruka. No one can be blamed for Naruto's antics." Sarutobi took a very-much needed draw on his pipe before he spoke again. "Naruto has been telling me that Hinata has been—if I heard correctly—kidnapped by Anko."

"Er—" Iruka coughed. "That is—"

"Iruka-sensei says Hinata has a special assignment with Anko, but I think he's just being a coward!"

"Naruto!" Iruka snapped. The Hokage stifled a chuckle and pasted a disapproving frown over his twitching mouth.

"Naruto, it's inappropriate to treat your superiors so disrespectfully."

Naruto deflated just slightly. For all his naughtiness, he really did like Iruka. Nevertheless, with his usual heart of gold, Naruto clung tightly to his original purpose.

"We have to save Hinata-chan!"

The Hokage casually waved his hand, as if brushing aside the topic. "I will personally take care of this matter. You may leave now Naruto."

"But—"

"What were you planing to do? Take on Anko yourself?"

Naruto paled. It was to his credit that he didn't immediately bolt out of the office.

"But Hinata-chan," Naruto said weakly.

"Hinata will come to no harm. I promise that." The Hokage sighed. "It's really just a big misunderstanding. Hinata is doing a favor for Anko." The Hokage tried his best to be vague. "Something that has to do with Hyuuga business," the Hokage lied glibly.

"Oh," Naruto nodded, trying his best to look as if he understood. Iruka inwardly rolled his eyes. He was willing to bet that Naruto had no idea who the Hyuuga actually were, only that they were someone important.

"Now, shoo, before I tell Anko you're gossiping about her."

Even Academy students knew that Mitarashi Anko hated gossips.

Naruto bolted. Iruka would have bolted right after him if the Hokage hadn't caught his eye and gave him an ominous look.

"Hokage-sama?" Iruka said, his voice almost as weak as Naruto's had been.

The Hokage let Iruka stew and sweat for a good sixty seconds before he finally took pity on the poor Chuunin.

"It's not exactly something we want people to know about, but it isn't classified either."

"Excuse me?"

"Hinata really does have a special assignment with Anko."

Iruka's eyes bulged.

"You mean—"

"It's above your clearance," the Hokage said simply, with just a hint of steel in his voice. "Quite unintentionally, you have stumbled upon this little fact. While I won't muzzle you an official order, I would appreciate it if this does not become common knowledge."

Iruka gulped. "Y-yes, Hokage-sama." Really, the Hokage didn't have to threaten him. Iruka wouldn't touch anything that had to do with Mitarashi Anko with a ten-foot pole.

Men who stayed too long within Anko's vicinity had a habit of losing their masculinity, be it through a loss of male dignity or a true physical loss of—

No, Iruka did not want to think of the detalis.

The Hokage stifled another chuckle as he watched Iruka's face twitch, twist, and then blanch. "Good. Then we'll pretend this whole incident never happened. Naruto's memory is flighty enough he'll forget it soon enough, and if he doesn't—distract him with something. That's an order."

Iruka bowed and muttered his acquiescence, all the while thinking that maybe being an Academy instructor wasn't the best idea after all. And the ANBU thought he had it easy.

"One more thing, Iruka."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"I would prefer it if Hyuuga-sama doesn't hear about Hinata's latest… indiscretion."

Iruka read between the lines well enough. He bowed again.

It wasn't as if he wanted to be the one to tell Hyuuga Hiashi his daughter was skipping class.

* * *

><p>Still, despite the Hokage's words, Naruto's memory proved to be surprisingly tenacious. The next day, Naruto was actually on time, if only so he could corner a blushing, wide-eyed Hinata.<p>

"Are you alright?" he demanded.

A normal Hinata would have blushed, perhaps stammered something barely-coherent, and then squeaked a retreat. Unfortunately, ever since Anko had blasted into Hinata's life, normal had ceased to exist, and Hinata was drowsy, courtesy of a more-excitable-than-usual Anko who had been so overcome with glee about her guppy's truancy that she insisted on late-night practice.

Drowsy Hinata promptly fell apart.

"I—I—ah, t-that is—"

Uchiha Sasuke cracked an eye open at the sound of incessant, irritating stammers. He narrowed his eyes dangerously. But, much to his inner shock, Hinata didn't even deign to notice. What was this?

Poor Naruto was utterly bewildered at the stream of consonants and vowels.

"Hey—" Naruto grabbed Hinata's arm. Naruto's fingers were strong, insistent with worry.

Normally, Hinata would have been thrilled. Unfortunately, underneath Hinata's thick jacket, her arm was a healthy swollen purple, also courtesy of Anko's overwhelming glee. The arm didn't hurt much as long as Hinata moved carefully but—

Another girl would have recoiled and shrieked. Hinata being Hinata, she didn't dare do something so rude and cruel, especially to Uzumaki Naruto. So instead, Hinata promptly fainted.

For once, it wasn't Sakura shrieking "Naruto-baka". Ino, who had been surreptitiously watching, jumped up and promptly proved her lung capacity were that much larger than her pink-haired friend. As impressive as Ino was however, she soon broke her own record when the whole class joined her in roaring.

Why was the class roaring, you ask?

Dear reader, as any Academy student can tell you, it wasn't unusual to see Sasuke shoving around Naruto. After all, everyone shoved Naruto around. Although Sasuke did it less so than the others, even Sasuke had his days. However, after Sasuke finished shoving Naruto around, he usually returned to his seat and resumed that gloomy, distant stare that made girls universally faint and croon. Uchiha Sasuke didn't, doesn't, should not by any universe's logic, be holding Hyuuga Hinata.

But there they stood, all the same.

* * *

><p>Rumor had it that Mitarashi Anko was omniscient. For the few people she deigned to bother on a semi-regularly basis, all of them claimed that Anko had the uncanny ability to appear at the worst times possible. Asuma and Kurenai had been caught in enough compromising situations—and positions!—that they were secretly sure Anko was keeping a running tally. (She was). Although Uchiha Itachi had been just the right age to merit a bit of Anko-watching before he summarily escaped, too sticky from his parent's blood for even Anko's extreme tastes, Sasuke had drifted underneath the radar for the most part.<p>

Until now.

"So you're the guppy that rescued my little guppy from the big, bad evil fox."

Uchiha Sasuke did not gulp. He did not tremble. He merely raised an eyebrow and told himself that he was not intimidated. Sasuke was so busy telling himself he was not intimidate, he forgot to ask why Anko referred to Hinata as hers, or why Anko was talking about foxes.

"I knew my guppy wasn't the brightest of the bunch, but really, of all the mind-numbing things she could have done, to fangirl on that blasted thing?" Anko muttered as she perched on the bed rail.

People had called Naruto all sorts of names that Sasuke had no problem understanding who "that blasted thing" was. People had also said the evilness that is "fangirl" far too times in Sasuke's presence that he had even less problem understanding what kind of relationship Anko was describing.

Sasuke blinked. Once. Twice.

Anko couldn't help but blink herself. "You didn't know?"

Honestly, Sasuke hadn't.

"Guess you're not as observant as you think you are," Anko drawled, correctly reading Sasuke's almost-but-not-quite-blank face.

Sasuke bristled. "Why should I care about—"

Anko slapped the back of Sasuke's head. "Don't give me that crap, guppy. There's no such shit as selective focus. You either know what's going on or you don't." She rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to jab him with something sharp. "You're fucking pride will get you killed some day, and it won't be the epic boom kind. You'll be taken out by a some civilian's stray arrow or some shit like that—and if you throw a tantrum, I'm going to throw a tantrum back."

Sasuke stayed seated.

"Just telling you the truth. It's your choice whether to listen." Anko gave a dramatic pause. "Your brother would have listened."

It was a mark of Sasuke's sense of self-preservation that he remained in his chair. Still, Sasuke was an Uchiha, and he wasn't about the let the remark pass. Killing intent rolled off his body in thick, oddly mature waves. Anko, despite the careful blase curl of her lips, was privately impressed.

Why, he almost reminded her of herself.

"Will you stop provoking the boy? It's making the air taste bad."

"You were supposed to remain out of sight," Anko said blandly. But in what was becoming an all-too-familiar gesture, Kyoya ignored her. He slithered out of the shadow of Hinata's pillow and drew himself to his modest height, peering intently at Sasuke.

"Your orders were relevant to the girl. You didn't say anything about this boy," Kyoya hissed. His voice sunk into a low, pleased purr. "Almost as good as the girl. Not quite, but almost. We wouldn't mind if you gave him the contract either."

"Hey, I'm not your recruitment babe!" Anko scowled. Kyoya tilted his head in a version of a snake-frown and opened his little fanged jaw, no doubt to ask what a "recruitment babe" was. Sasuke didn't care to discuss the definitions of obscene words however.

"Can I touch him?" Sasuke breathed. For the first time in a long time, his eyes looked his age.

"He's not a pet," Anko muttered even as Kyoya, quite happily, slipped around Sasuke's wrists. Sasuke gently stroked the green snake, hands more gentle than his callused palms would suggest.

Anko hummed thoughtfully. For a snake, Kyoya was an excellent judge of character, and anyone who treated snakes as nicely—yes, Anko did actually have this word in her vocabulary—as Sasuke couldn't be too bad. Anko casually ignored the little sane voice in her head that screamed Uchiha was always, always synonymous with danger. After all, she had a whole lifetime's experience of flipping off that annoying instinct.

Hinata stirred. Kyoya dropped off of Sasuke's arms and was gone by the time Hinata opened her eyes.

"Ah, you're awake!" Anko poked Hinata with the blunt end of a kunai. "You fainted, from pain I hope. If it's any other reason, you owe me a hundred push-ups."

"Hnn—Uchiha-san!" Hinata jerked upright, almost smashing her head into Anko's jaw.

Sasuke twitched. He hadn't forgotten the fact that this girl was one of the dobe's fan girl. Not that he liked fan girls, but really—Sasuke pretended he was disturbed. Not fascinated, in the way humans have a sick fascination for strange things.

"You fainted," Sasuke said calmly.

"Oh." Hinata flushed, turning into the most fascinating shade of red. Like a tomato. Sasuke liked tomatos.

Uchiha Sasuke did not just think that.

When in doubt, punch something. When in a situation where punching would absolutely guarantee an retaliation from Mitarashi Anko, bolt.

Sasuke bolted.

"Anko-sensei… did I do something wrong?" Hinata asked quizzically as Sasuke's footsteps pattered away.

"Hm? No," Anko said.

"Sensei?" Hinata hesitantly asked.

"Sasuke's a nice boy isn't he?"

There's a saying that prolonged exposure makes you used to anything. At that moment, Hinata would beg to differ.

"Nice?" Hinata squeaked.

"Very."

Hinata almost sighed with relief when Anko dragged her off to the training grounds. At least that was normal, or at least as normal as life with Mitarashi Anko got.

* * *

><p>Yamanaka Ino narrowed her eyes. She had very pretty blue eyes, so it was almost a shame for her to narrow them, but the very act of her narrowing her eyes at Uchiha Sasuke made it all worth it in Nara Shikamaru's opinion.<p>

Ino, who was never the most subtle of persons, was like a open book to Shikamaru.

"Puzzlement, distress, curiosity, disdain, curiosity, puzzlement, jealousy, more curiosity," Shikamaru muttered underneath his breath as he listed the emotions flickering over Ino's face. Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction, or in this case Shikamaru, brought it back; or at least made sure it survived long enough that his mother wouldn't come roaring at him for not protecting "cute, sweet Ino, aka Ino my future daughter-in-law."

Bah. Troublesome.

"Yo." Shikamaru emphasized his call by kicking the back of her chair in pure, classic primary-school-boy-style. Ino was not amused.

"Stop being so childish," Ino snapped.

Shikamaru snorted. "And you're so mature, aren't you?"

Like he suspected, those words were worth at least a good hour of bickering. By the time they finished, Ino would hopefully have forgotten why she was upset in the first place. Not that Shikamaru wasn't amused to see Ino upset at Sasuke, but still—

For reasons he refused to think about too closely, an upset Ino was an unacceptable Ino.

Troublesome.

* * *

><p>What can I said? Rap warped my brain. This was supposed to be a serious characterization fic, and it still is; I just decided to take a humor hike for a chapter. Forgive me? Or don't forgive me if you actually liked this chapter?<p>

I don't know if you don't tell me. :) Clickity-click the review button.


End file.
